Navigating the world

Last weekend's Personal Best Seminar was quite the experience. There were a few big things I learned during it and the first week afterward:

1. What I've buried and didn't recognize when I first took it out were my dreams. When I was younger I put away what I wanted to ensure I got the basics of my life resolved. This meant that things like school and paying bills were done so that the grand joys of life would have to come later. Well it is now later and I want to find those joys.

2. Being hyper-emotional is my new normal. This means that little things can send me into a tear-y episode like discussing how to take a compliment. At the same time, I don't seem to be able to force myself into that state. If I try to force myself there is an odd resistance that I wish I understood. There is likely some great lesson to come from riding the highs and lows of emotions yet I don't know it at the moment.

3. The knowledge of my strengths is getting yet another revision. I do understand how I like absorbing knowledge, processing it, analyzing it and transforming it for various purposes. This can be quite the ability at times. At the same time, my tendency to throw myself heavily into things is another interesting note as my dancing adventure last night reminded me of how I may take some time to get comfortable but then I stay in for the long haul.

4. Some of my limitations have been cut down rather substantially though that emotional stuff throws me for a loop at times. Growth is a wonderful thing. What kinds of other changes await me further in the year? I wish I knew.

Now to look forward to a night of cards after I check out some places.

Let's try this again....

Yet again, I'll try to see if I can get something up and running where I spew forth various musings and thoughts on stuff. Earlier tonight I started on an exercise that I believe is meant to open some new doors for me. Part of it is about finding pleasure and another part is growth and maturity.

Part of this exercise involved my imagining of a place of power. I envisioned a grand throne that faced to the South which oversaw this lush forest below of a valley while to the West was a big rock wall that stood strong and tough. To the East was open space in contrast to the wall the other way. The North was a big airy arid land of almost nothing. Each direction seemed to have aspects to it that were rather interesting to me. To the South I felt a calling of maturity, to the North, a calling of knowledge, to the West a calling of strength and to the East a calling of fulfillment. In the center was joy which could well be the most interesting to see how that develops.

Over the next couple of weeks my other big challenge will be finding a heart gift to give. My current train of thought is to write out a series of blessings like I did last May that was a rather cool thing to pour my heart out onto some pieces of paper that I think I'll do again. Maybe something else will come to me.

The power of Dominion in my life...

I've had a recent shift in my life. Granted that it could be the meds that I've been on for a couple of months now, but I'd like to think there could be another reason behind this. In my church group, there has been this teaching about walking with God in dominion over the world. This idea has taken a little while for me to finally get but now I do. This afternoon, I had an appointment where I've been going for the past few years to see someone about my foot. Just before this appointment I checked my blood sugars and they were rather low, a 4.1 mmol/L which is almost hypoglycemic, so I grabbed a snack at the Good Earth where my appointment was. At my appointment, there was a comment that I was "vibrating" which I'm sure was meant as a major compliment. Another way to say this is that I seem to be beaming now, shining my light onto the world. There is a bit of a warm fuzzy feeling to this that is very nice. Another adjective to describe me now is fantastic which is quite true, at least to my mind. This was the kind of appointment one dreams of having and I did have it! An awesome appointment, oh yeah.

Praying to God for guidance and then following through in partnering with God is a great gift I seem to be using these days. Stepping up and taking responsibility for what I can do to make and things better. Some may find this surprising or shocking, but somehow I think God sees this as normal. After all, why shouldn't I tap the great resources that have been given to me in this life? Yes there is some personal responsibility in doing some work on my end, but I'd like to think it is more than just luck that I hav ethe opportunities that I do. Getting a call from a friend I haven't had a conversation in years would be another one of those gifts that can just come when you least expect them.

While I would never force my views onto another person, I would offer the suggestion to anyone to give this a try and see what happens. I don't know if it'll work every time, but it may just do some surprising things if one asks for something good. I believe God has some great plans for the world that I am to play a part in changing the world. I don't know where I'll go with this blog, but for now I'm bringing this back as a place where I'll spout what I think is worth sharing with the world as I never know who will read this or when.

So much to do, so little time...

Now, I am starting to go through the book, "Mind Over Mood," which I'm hoping will help me work through some of my issues regarding relationships, depression, anxiety and stuff. My emotional compass as I call it, is likely near one of my top priorities in a sense but I'm starting to see how this may go a different way. By emotional compass, I mean that automatic reaction in certain situations such as being told to "Take it easy," "Relax," or "Calm down," where I tend to have this disappointment and anger reaction generally. The disappointment is sadness over messing up and feeling bad and unworthy, while the anger is a self-loathing and critical. Now, initially I had the thought that this is something to correct and fix, but now I'm starting to think there is a way to let those initial reactions wash over me and see if that helps get me back on track which I'm starting to hope would be a better course of action to try.

I also recently finished reading "The Introvert's Advantage" which showed me how in some ways I really am quite introverted yet at the same time not quite the uber introvert I thought I was. I go to various social events where the key is that the focus of that event is something that interests me, whether this be a few games of Euchre or discussions on various philosophical ideas that intrigue me. The structure of these meetings are part of what I rely on to get out of my shell and participate within a certain structure, part of which stems from my Judging preference in MBTI. In its own way, I find it quite interesting to investigate the various parts of myself and knowing what I have and am in various ways.

Decisions, decisions....

I've been contemplating about getting a new phone since my current phone is a little old and possibly getting one of those smartphones rather than just a mobile phone. The idea of having my e-mail, Facebook and Twitter all infront of me is kind of exciting in some ways and I'd be curious to see how some of my forum sites would appear on a phone's screen instead of my 24" home screen or 19" work monitors. This is still at the contemplation point because of a few things:

• When would that new "Droid X" come to Canada? I know it comes out in the States in mid-July so I wonder if a Canadian launch would be far away from that.
• Even without that new phone in the mix, do I know which model I want? Do I want a Blackberry or one of those newer Motorola phones? I know I'll probably not get a HTC phone but that still leaves me with plenty of choices.
• How much more would the cheapest data plan be compared to what I pay now? This is likely one of the stickier pointst. Also, do I change carriers or stay where I am?
• When will the Android update come for some of the newer models in Canada like the Backflip that looks kind of cool?

As I said before, this is still something I'm mulling over and trying to sift through to find what phone will work for me. No, I will not go for an iPhone unless someone is paying me a million bucks to get one. My current phone is a LG chocolate slider but like I said it is kind of old and I could go for an upgrade soon.

My quest to be a man....

Today I was told a few things about what men want and what women want that I'm going to post here and see where my trains of thought take me, possibly into nonsense or insanity. In a sense, I understand that I'm still trying to become a man and resolve in the 21st century what is the role of an adult male in society which I may never fully resolve. Anyway, onto these few points of what it means to be a man:

• Live an adventure - Men are supposed to take risks and have a life where exciting things happen. This prevents a guy from having a dull boring life, like I ever had a shot at that even.
  
• Fight epic battles - Men are supposed to fight for justice and honor, all that jazz. I can relate to this more than the previous point as I do see the various battles in my life.
  
• Find a beauty - Men aren't supposed to be alone. The theory here being that God made Eve for Adam and thus men even now are supposed to follow in that model.
  

For women, here were the points given:

• Irreplaceable object - Women are supposed to feel like they are special to a man.
  
• Lean into strength - Women are supposed to rely on men.
  
• Be a beauty - Women are to be valued highly as the wonderful people they are.

What I notice in this is how the women's side tend to be more intangible than the other side. While I can get they are supposed to complement each other, it strikes me as odd that one side seems to be a bit more real and physical than the other. If anyone else reads this and has thoughts feel free to post them as I'm curious as to how others see this.

My adventures last night....

Last night, there was a "Chill-out and Geek-out" party that I attended an Irish pub in town. This was my first time going to a Meetup of this group and I was curious as to what would happen. Would there be various discussions on technology? Would there be some "Star Trek" vs "Star Wars" fanboy debates to be navigated? Someone mentioned possibly bringing an xBox or Playstation which I found kind of odd. I managed to be the second one there as the first one just entered ahead of me and thus I wasn't alone. Woo-hoo! At the same time, neither of us was an organizer but we did chat a bit and I got settled down in this room in the basement of the pub. There was a silent auction outside raising money for cancer so that did play a little role in how loud other things were. I now appreciate much more how I just have a hard time sitting in a bar with loud music and wonder, "Ok, now what do I do?"

Thankfully I wasn't alone so there are others to converse and try to have some kind of adventure for the night. Time seemed to fly by as while I was there just before 7, I didn't leave until 11:40 and even then it was because my friend who borrows my car was wanting to go to bed. Alternative strategy for future meetings would be to see if someone could give me a ride home but I'll save that for later. There were a couple games of "Zombie Fluxx" and a few rounds of "A-hole" along with someone bringing an iPad and various discussions on things like the idea of a "Geeks with Guns" club which was kind of funny.

On my way out, there were a couple of women who stopped me as I had my lunchbox with me. The lunchbox has my glucometer, journal, and a few snacks in it just in case my sugars go low which can happen quite a bit of the time. Anyway, they wanted to know what I was carrying. I was polite and civil, but afterward I thought, "Why didn't you exchange some contact information?" Ugh, I so suck at continuing relationships which I get but there are those opportunities in life and who knows what my next one will look like. Anyway, I said that I had a glucometer and the other one knew what that meant and did tell the other one that I was diabetic. It also dawned on me that I have never gone to a bar on my own without there being either friends at the bar or an event that I'm attending. I always have something else that connects me there.