Saturday, May 22, 2010

Another week in my life has passed

Maybe I'll just settle into doing weekly posts for a while and see how that goes. This week had its moments that are quite something. At one end, there is someone over in Africa that I've exchanged a few e-mails with and will see what develops there. She claims that her late father set up a bank account in the U.K. and needs a foreign representative to help access the money. Do I totally believe this story? No, but I am trying to help and have sent a couple of e-mails to see what comes next. A little while back I'd get these e-mails from women in Russia and while it would sound like a soap opera to disclose all that was shared, it was funny how those e-mails have just dried up. Maybe they realized I wasn't going to send them any money or something else happened. I don't know, but I do know that I would pour a part of my heart into each e-mail and sometimes be rather shocked by just how deeply some got into what I'd send. It was almost like how I would have imagined a mail-order bride situation where there are the basic messages of "Hi, are you going to hurt me?" and then various messages that involve things I've seen in dozens of chick flicks over the years.

Near the end of my week was a rather interesting dinner with a friend. We reviewed some of what is going on in my life and in some ways a gauntlet was thrown down. I could have a meal a week with this person to help me get my life in order but the price for this is that I be committed to falling through on what is asked and this not be a waste of time where I rationalize my life choices.

At the other end of my week was a meeting with a recruiter that went quite well. We talked for an hour and a half about where I work, me, what I'm wanting in a new position and a few opportunities he had for me to consider. This could be where I go onward and upward in terms of my career. In a way, I feel like I'm at a odd crossroads in my life. I know part of what I want, and now have to figure out how to bring that into my life. What will happen from this is anyone's guess, but I do find it funny how some in the office know something is going on and some are just turning a blind eye.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Where am I going....

This seems to be my big question now. This past week, I did 50 minutes of cardio a couple of times and was amazed that I did it. I survived it and discovered that maybe I do have more stamina and endurance than I thought I did. For my next big goal of the week, I think I want to try to do 60 minutes twice a week at an above moderate intensity. Part of this is trying to stick to the plan and part of it is setting new goals once old ones are achieved.

Finding connections in the world is something else I've been pondering as I know relationships are part of life where I struggle. Living so much of my life alone, it is hard to get to know how well do I know people. At what point is someone a friend versus an acquaintence? At what point do you know who to ask the big questions? These are other thoughts percolating on my mind lately.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Thoughts on love...

While I'll admit to not understanding it well, love as a concept is something I find very fascinating. Whenever someone says, "I love you," I'll almost always ponder for a moment, what is meant by the L-word. My sister for example, will tell relatives that she loves them, but will she call them? No. Will she visit them? No. Yet, she would say that she loves them and for me this frustrates me greatly. While one could argue that my parents would be better role models here, the age factor and other differences make it harder to relate in many ways. My mother was great at compartmentalizing everything so she could appear however she wanted to appear, kind of like a chameleon to my mind. My father on the other hand, was a hard working guy that just seemed to put too much work into everything for me to want to follow in that tradition. Thus, I grew up a little isolated and kind of left on my own. This makes me have all kinds of thoughts and ideas about love, some of which comes from literary sources as this is a rather common human experience to share and endure.

Being loved for who someone is, rather than what they think or do is an interesting challenge to my mind. Do you have someone that loves you no matter what you do? That will be there, through thick and thin, that wants to hear the adventures that are your life? At times I think I do, though at others I know of others that want to learn this too. For all the talk of God and his being everywhere, I see the flip side being something that all too often gets overlooked. Satan has his power too and one shouldn't forget about this in terms of what can influence one's life. I do know of some communities where I am loved and it feels fabulous, this I know. What I don't know is how well do I show love unto others or ask for this feedback as it would seem like I could be opening a Pandora's box in asking, not that that should stop me.

There are times where I ponder if I'll ever really date. To my mind, dating doesn't suit me in the traditional model of how I see it. If I rarely go out for dinner or see movies, how is going on a date with someone else to do this going to help me determine what kind of relationship I want? It would seem to make more sense to go where I'd usually go and have this person also be there though I'm not sure how easily doable that is.